So instead of:
We get the more economical:
This delectable bag of toasted cinnamon squares tastes exactly like its counter part, is yards cheaper, and even comes with a resealable top. I feel almost ridiculous for ever having fallen for the real stuff. I mean, its the exact same cereal right? The same experience. The same morning. Right?Wrong.
Notice Cinnamon Toasters left bottom corner. See it? Yes that's Cool Blue & L'il Oaty. The spokescartoons for Cinnamon Toasters. So I think to myself that I want to read more about this unknown duo (yes I am five) and so I turn the bag to reveal whatever story or gameboard or nuance that Blue and Oaty have to say on the back.
And there's nothing.
No story.
No gameboard.
Not even a stupid "Blue & Oaty love eating healthy" blurb.
And I begin to wonder, surely they didn't just slap some cartoon on the bag and call it a day. So online I go to check out malt-o-meals cold cereal section. No Blue. No Oaty.
I think, perhaps in their frenzy to get out these cheaper cereals they didn't label this one particular cereal. That Blue & Oaty surely must have their story told via the other cereal lines (and because my house is filled with cereal fanatics) I search through the other selections of bagged cereal in the house. Coco Crunch...nothing. Marshmallow Glitters...zip. In fact, Cinnamon Toasters is the only bag in the cereal group that even has these two ridiculous kangaroos. And are they even Kangaroos? I DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT! Because quite frankly they look like a freakish mix of dingos and kangaroos. Dingoroos. Just some hopping, human sized freak with large dog jowls lined up with your face. And with their blue and yellow exterior it becomes frighteningly irresistible to not notice them staring menacingly at you every single morning of your bastardly poor existence. What vicious cereal company could do this to a lower income home? Is this how they expect to keep you? Simply by the maddening hope that one day, ONE DAY they will surely explain who these two Dingoroos are or why they came into existence or why they are SO OBSESSED with cheap economical Cinnamon Toasters.
...........god.
...an argument for name brand cereal.
I felt the same way about the Wizard on the Magic Twinkles box. He had this look of both friendliness and majesty, and leaves you wanting to know more. But what happens when you turn the box around? You get a reprint of the front of the box. Fuck Jewel Osco for their cocktease.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteUr a fuckin cuntface. They fuckin rock not like you pussy feltch
DeleteI sent an email to malt o meal asking why they would put such odd characters on the labeling and this was their response:
ReplyDeleteDear Luke,
Thank you for your email message regarding Malt-O-Meal ready-to-eat cereal.
Our Cool Blue and Li'l Oaty cartoon characters were created in 1998. Prior to that time, we had various other animal characters, including kangaroos that were used on our cereal packages. Our Marketing department decided it would be better for our brand to move to one set of characters that could be used on all of our packages. They felt that kangaroos were likable, recognizable characters that would be unique to our brand.
Cool Blue and Li'l Oaty are the set of characters that we developed because of these ideas and they are meant to reflect a parent/child relationship. Cool Blue is meant to represent a parent (could be a mother or a father.) The name Cool Blue was chosen to represent that it is 'Cool' to save money on cereal products. The second part of the name, 'Blue', added a catchy sound to the name and provided a cool toned color to depict this character. Li'l Oaty is meant to represent the child in the relationship (could be a boy or a girl), who is giving it's 'ok' approval of a great tasting cereal. From 1998 to the present, these lovable characters have been displayed on Malt-O-Meal ready-to-eat cereal packages.
At Malt-O-Meal, our main objective is to produce wholesome quality products and offer them at a reasonable price. Comments such as yours are important to us and we appreciate that you took the time to share them with our company.
Thanks again for your interest in Malt-O-Meal products.
Malt-O-Meal means more!®
More great taste. More value.
I would just like to point out to them that their attempt to be gender neutral with their "parent" kangaroo HAS to be female as it has a pouch. Male kangaroos don't have pouches and don't carry the joeys. As for the child, it's name must signify that the cereal is made of oats. If these mascots are used on all of their products, are all of their products made of oats?
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of a table full of marketing executives who are horrid failures in their field who try to push products like Schooner Tuna from the movie Mr. Mom.